Assertive communication is an effective way of expressing one’s thoughts and feelings in a respectful manner. An assertive communicator is one who speaks their truth in a direct, honest and respectful way. This type of communication is often characterized by the use of "you" messages, which are statements that are directed at the other person. In this article, we will discuss how the use of "you" messages can often lead to fights.
Assertive Communicator’s Use of "You" Messages
An assertive communicator uses "you" messages to express their thoughts and feelings. These messages are direct and honest, and are focused on the other person. They are used to state one’s opinion, feelings or desires. For example, an assertive communicator may say "You are not listening to me" or "You need to take responsibility for your actions". These statements are meant to be respectful, but they can also be confrontational and can come across as aggressive if not delivered correctly.
How "You" Messages Can Lead to Fights.
When "you" messages are used incorrectly, they can often lead to fights. This is because they can come across as aggressive and accusatory. The other person may feel attacked and become defensive or angry. This can lead to a heated argument and can even escalate into a physical altercation.
It is important for an assertive communicator to be aware of how their words can be interpreted by the other person. If "you" messages are used in an accusatory or confrontational way, it can be very damaging to the relationship. It is also important to be aware of the tone and body language used when delivering these messages.
In conclusion, assertive communicators use "you" messages to express their thoughts and feelings in a direct, honest and respectful way. However, if these messages are not delivered correctly, they can lead to fights, as they can be interpreted as aggressive. It is important for an assertive communicator to be aware of how their words can be interpreted, and to be conscious of the tone and body language used when delivering them.
Effective communication is essential for successful relationships. People who are assertive communicators, who can express their thoughts and feelings in a clear and diplomatic manner, are often effective in managing difficult conversations. However, such communication can be a double-edged sword.
The use of ‘you’ messages, a way of emphasizing and addressing issues without bluntly attacking the other person or making accusations, was once thought to be useful for assertive communicators. However, this method of communication can often lead to fights as the individual may take the approach of pointing a finger at the other person and not actually addressing the problem.
When communicating using ‘you’ messages, the individual makes a statement about what the other person did wrong, without any contextual discussion about the feelings behind the statement. This results in the other person feeling blamed and unsafe. This lack of safety inhibits their ability to think critically and often leads to misunderstanding, escalating the argument until they fight.
To prevent this from happening and to remain an assertive communicator, we should avoid using ‘you’ messages and instead use dialogue which focuses on the issue and not the person.
Instead of telling the other person what they did wrong, explain how the issue has affected you personally, as well as any other people involved. This will help create an open dialogue and will not result in an escalation of emotions. It is also important to keep your tone and body language friendly, as this will make it easier to have a successful conversation.
Overall, assertive communication is key to resolving conflicts. However, using ‘you’ messages is a tactic best avoided as it increases the likelihood of having destructive fights. Instead, focus on the issue at hand and use dialogue that will help both parties understand the feelings involved.
